I’ve come to the conclusion that no matter what I do, I just can’t win. If I write romance scenes using anatomically correct vocabulary without warning readers, I get slammed with one-star reviews. If I add a content or trigger warning, I’m accused of being passive-aggressive or patronizing.
I've been writing romance novels with anatomically correct vocabulary since January 2019, "Married the Alien Admiral," and I realized then that a lot of readers found these vocabulary words problematic.I have a blog post addressing this from October 2019: https://www.almanilssonsciencefiction.com/post/anatomical-terminology
So whatever this reviewer think she found in 2023 [see the picture below] she obviously didn't do a deep dive into my reviews or my books. I certainly do not consider my "Note to Readers," which hasn't changed in years, a rant. Nor did I discuss her review or any other review I have received about anatomically correct vocabulary since 2019 on any other platform, I'm very quiet on social media. But her review did spark me to write this blog which I do feel is important.
The Double Standard of “Explicit” Language
Let me give you an example:
• I received a harsh review from one reader who was clearly uncomfortable with my use of words like “vulva.”
• Then, when this same reader picked up another of my books, she was offended by the note I included up front explaining that I use anatomically correct language.
From this incident (and others like it), I’ve learned there’s just no way to satisfy everyone. Some readers want a clear heads-up about explicit or realistic vocabulary; others interpret the very act of warning them as condescending.
Why I Use Anatomically Correct Terms
1. Authenticity: Romance can—and should—cover the full breadth of human experiences. Using correct words isn’t gratuitous; it’s genuine.
2. Respect: Our bodies have names. I don’t believe there’s anything dirty or shameful about those names, and I don’t want to treat them as such.
3. Reader Expectations: Some romance readers prefer euphemisms; others prefer realism. I try to stay true to the kind of stories I want to tell, trusting my audience to appreciate my style.
About Those Trigger Warnings
I use the term “triggered” because I’ve seen multiple one-star reviews specifically saying they hated the anatomical language in my books—language that is hardly taboo in the medical or everyday sense. If these readers hadn’t found the vocabulary so unsettling, maybe their ratings would have been two or three stars instead. But the strong negative reaction seems tied directly to encountering words they’re not comfortable with.
I’m not judging readers for being uncomfortable—everyone has their own personal tastes. But it’s frustrating that providing a warning to avoid that discomfort can itself spark accusations of being “passive-aggressive.” The bottom line is that my stories contain anatomically correct vocabulary, and some readers might find it off-putting. Letting people know that up front seems like a courtesy, not a weapon.
A Personal Plea
If you don’t like romances with anatomically correct language, please don’t read my books. It’s not that I don’t value your opinions; it’s that I want everyone to enjoy their reading experience. If medically accurate words are likely to bother you, I’d rather you save your money, time, and emotional energy.
Conversely, if you’re open to (or even prefer) straightforward terms when it comes to body parts and love scenes, then you might enjoy my books. I believe there’s room in the genre for everything—flowery euphemisms, gritty realism, and everything in between.
The fact that some readers find the word “vulva” offensive—or think they’re not allowed to say it—speaks volumes about our cultural discomfort with women’s bodies and sexuality. But for me, writing romance is partly about honesty, and that includes naming body parts as they are. My intention is never to shock or upset; it’s to write a story that feels real to me.
So, yes, you’ll see these words in my novels. No, I’m not going to apologize for them. And I will continue giving readers a heads-up whenever possible—because I’d rather risk seeming “passive-aggressive” than risk blindsiding someone who has strong aversions.
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Thank you for reading and for supporting diverse expressions in romance. If you have thoughts or questions about this topic, feel free to share them in the comments.
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